I know most people think they can’t help who they fall in love with, even if it means they compromise their walk with God and abandon the commands they once followed.
But do you really know what you will be missing out on when you settle for less than what God has planned for you?
For those of you who are in a relationship with a man that isn’t in a relationship with Christ, did you ever wonder why there are so many warnings against marrying outside the faith and being yoked with an unbeliever?
The beginning of your relationship may seem amazing and he may even tell you everything you want to hear! He may very well be an amazing guy, not like the other guys you know, you may even think he’s far better than any of the Christian guys you’ve met. He may tell you that he will come to church after you guys get married or when you have kids etc; that he is a work in progress and that you need to give him time to do it on his own. So you agree, and pray that one day he will change and you actually believe that he will.
The problem with this scenario is that he is now trying to please you and is saying anything to impress you! What you forget to realize is that even if he wanted to grow in the Lord, you will most likely be his stumbling block, because he now associates you with God. And because he never had time to develop a relationship with Christ before starting a relationship with you, chances are: it may never happen (sorry)!! But you are most likely going to continue to hope and pray that one day his heart will change, all the while you continue pursuing this relationship with him. If you are aware of your worth in Christ and where He wants to take you and lead you, you would want to let go of this relationship with the guy. But I find many women end up putting God and His will for their life on hold because of the relationship they are in. This man has now taken the place of God and you cannot think clearly. You start compromising in other areas of your life as well. You take the back seat, and don’t become who God has designed you to be because you are now focused on your man and what he’s comfortable with. All the visions and dreams you once had, don’t mean anything anymore. The fire you had for the Lord slowly fades and then diminishes.
But even if you decide to get married, despite all the warnings in the bible, you will notice that you are both not on the same page and your views will clash or you will end up compromising who you are called to be. Your life will get affected, for example: when your kids arrive and how you choose to raise them, your involvement in the Lord’s work, your values and morals, what is considered acceptable to watch on tv, your language, and how you choose to live your life in general. Eventually, at some point, the love between you both will likely fade. How do I know this? Because the bible says God is love (1 John 4:8). If someone doesn’t know God personally, how would they know how to love you the way He intended? You can’t expect an unbeliever to love you selflessly when they have not received or experienced the love of Christ themselves. They can’t pour that overflowing love onto you! Marriage is hard enough for two believers; it takes a lot of patience, forgiveness, prayer, commitment and selfless love. But when you marry someone who does not know God, and who does not know the biblical standards of marriage, you will be disappointed when he falls short. And your marriage will likely suffer, along with your family life.
I’m sure you have all heard the verse in the bible “do not be yoked with unbelievers” (2 Cor 6:14) , but what does being unequally yoked really mean? Let’s take a look at what happens if a farmer yoked together two farm animals. The yoke itself is a large, heavy, wooden attachment, and is designed to harness the strength of both animals. It is meant for the animals to work as a team, both of equal strength and capability to do the work required for them to complete, to plow the fields perhaps!
So what will happen if the farmer yoked an ox with a goat? They are now unequally yoked and are not able to work effectively because they are both of different heights, weights; they walk at different speeds and have different gait patterns. The load will be distributed unequally and the task will not be completed.
Likewise, when you (a believer) are yoked with an unbeliever, you will both be going in different directions, at different speeds and he will be lagging behind and will hold you back. When God joins two people as husband and wife, He has a plan and a mandate for the couple to fulfill. You become a team and if you both are not moving in the same direction (where God is leading you), your team will not be a cohesive unit and you will find it very difficult to fulfill the call of God on your lives. You will definitely experience stress in your marriage and even loneliness because you can’t share every aspect of your life with him. You won’t be able to do the work of the Lord with him and he won’t understand how God wants to use you and he just won’t be interested in that. There will be a disconnection and your marriage will lack harmony.
Some of you may have accepted Christ after you got married to an unbeliever. There is always hope that he will come to the saving grace and knowledge of Christ. Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 7:12- 14
12 To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13 And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.
He was specifically speaking to the people of the early church that got saved after marriage, and told them not to leave their unbelieving spouse because they have been made sanctified through them. You have to make every effort to live your life as an example of Christ, in order to guide your spouse to the Lord. 1Peter 3:1 states
“Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives”
So never lose hope and never stop praying for them! If they are willing to stay married to you, keep pressing forward and look to the Lord for His strength,guidance and love in your marriage. He is mighty to save!
Lastly, for those of you ladies that have been in a relationship with the unbeliever for many years and may even be at the stage of considering marriage, you most likely keep telling yourself that God is able to save him and His grace has no bounds. This is definitely true, His grace has no bounds and God is able to do the impossible, but when you disobey Him, you have consequences to face. I think it’s also important to remember that you are not anyone’s savior, because only Jesus can save. If you really cared about the guy, you will step aside and let him go so that he can pursue his relationship with Christ on his own, without your help. You don’t need to be his crutch, you just have to let him discover Christ without you as a support system. If you knew the plans Christ has for you, you would not settle. Also, if you knew the plans Christ can have for your man, you will let him pursue Him! If you decide to leave him, don’t feel guilty and assume he will never come to know the Lord again. I know you love him and will miss him but know that God loves him more than you do! He belongs to God first, therefore, God will always watch over him and care for him way better than you ever can! So choose wisely…remember “til death do us part”.
Though things are permissible, they are not always beneficial!