“He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favour from the Lord.”- Proverbs 18:22
This verse in the Bible praises a wife as a good thing for a man. As a wife, we are a blessing to our husbands. And likewise, our husbands are a blessing to us. For those of us who are married, what does it mean to be a good wife? How does God want us to play this role? There are many verses in the Bible that talk about a good marriage relationship and how it should look like.
From the few years that I have been married, I have quickly learnt that my husband feels loved from me when he feels respected/honoured by me. The two go hand in hand. A man needs to feel respected by his own wife. This affects the way he sees himself. The husband is to be the head of the wife just like Christ is the head of the Church. This verse in the Bible is sometimes hard for the world to accept. In the society we live today, everyone is striving for equality. Everything has to be equal, including the husband and wife in a marriage. So how do we live according to this verse in our culture today? It doesn’t mean that the husband dismisses his wife’s opinions when making decisions. I think it is important that the husband and wife openly talk about all decisions and that the husband knows how the wife feels about the different routes that can be taken when making the final decision. My husband always comes to me when a decision has to be made. He asks me for my opinion and we always talk about it openly. If we disagree on something, I let him make the final decision as the head of our marriage. This comes from being able to trust your husband that he is not going to make any decision that is going to hurt you. You trust that he is always thinking about you and your kids before making any final decision. This helps the husband feel honoured in the marriage. He knows that his wife trusts him in making the right decisions for the family.
We also should be careful about how we talk about our husbands to those around us, especially our kids. In Proverbs 31, we read about the noble wife. In verses 10-12, we read “An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.” Every marriage has its own problems and issues that should be worked out by the couple themselves. But we are not to backlash against our husbands to our friends and families. Our husbands should be able to trust us that we will do no harm to them by negatively talking about them to others. This is especially important when we have kids. It might be so easy to say negative comments about our husbands to our kids when we are frustrated and need somewhere to vent our feelings. But we are to always talk positively about our husbands to our kids. Issues between a husband and wife should be just that. We should not be getting our kids involved in these issues. This way, a husband feels respected by both his wife and his kids.
If you are a married woman, consider it a blessing that God has given you a partner to live this life with. Life gets busy and stressful and it is always great to have someone to share it with and walk side by side with. If you are finding it hard to love and respect your husband, try to think of all the good things that he does do for you. Everyone has flaws. Everyone makes mistakes. But God wants us to forgive and love our husbands by honouring them. Our husbands are placed in our lives to lead the family financially and spiritually. If you are married to a non believer, there is a verse in the Bible for you too. “Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct.”- 1 Peter 3:1-2
If your husband is not saved, do not try to preach to him everyday. Nagging is never a way to change anything about a person. For years, women have tried the art of nagging and seen no results. Instead, let him be won over by your actions. Respect him and pray for him and he will eventually come to the Lord by seeing your humble conduct.
God designed a man to be a man and a woman to be a woman. A man has his roles to play and a woman has her own roles to play. Do not let the rules of society try to change how your marriage should look. I believe the word of God has clear instructions on how we can make our marriage a beautiful thing. If you have been doing otherwise, today make a decision to honour and respect your husband. He will, in turn, feel loved by you. After all, he who finds a wife finds a good thing.